Only In My Dreams
by Aloria
Summary: A sad Amelia fic. On the 'What If' side. I'm trying for something new. Bad things have happened to Amelia, and they're only getting worse! is there a ray of hope for her? [on hold, waiting for inspiration]
1. My Nightmare

Only In My Dreams

Only In My Dreams

Zelgadis/Amelia fic, not quite a songfic, trying for tears here. ^.^

Amelia's heart pounded as she raced through the dark hallways. Her pearly pink dress was torn and stained with unimaginable things. In the distance behind her, she could hear the monster closing in on her. The darkness giggled at her, spindly legs reached out to hold her back, spider webs were cast in her way.

"No! No! Stop! Please!" she sobbed, pushing her way through the crowd of people. She opened her eyes, finding herself standing naked in the middle of the market place.

Thunder crashed and she looked up at the dark stormy sky seeing rain falling but not feeling it. The people started running away, screaming in terror. A tornado sprouted from the dark clouds slamming into the earth and sucking buildings, pets, and people into it, throwing dust everywhere. Amelia screamed again, turning to flee for somewhere low. Her foot hit something hard and she looked down to find a large stone on which her mother's body was lain.

"Mommy!" Amelia sobbed, falling to her knees. She couldn't see the face of the body, it was covered by a long white cloth. This cloth was somewhat sheer though. She could see her mother's long dark purple hair spilling out along the cobble stones of the market.

"She's gone Amelia," Gracia said from behind her. Amelia turned around to see her older sister just as she'd last seen her, her dark eyes wide and blank, her hair disheveled her dress torn and bloody.

"No! No she can't be! Gracie! Don't leave me! Don't leave me please!" Amelia sobbed.

"You have daddy, he'll always be there for you." Gracia turned and ran off, disappearing as more tornadoes had sprung into being and were destroying Seyruun.

"Nooo! Gracie! I need you! Daddy's gone! Daddy left me Gracie!" Amelia turned, looking down at her mother's body, now seeing another stone bier upon which her father's body was lain, a long sword stabbed through his chest, blood spilled gruesomely upon the stones.

"There's no one for me now!" Amelia sobbed into her hands, getting to her feet. "Not even you Zelgadis! I thought you'd be here for me! But you're just as cold inside as you are on the outside aren't you? You can't love! You're just a monster!"

Amelia suddenly sat up in bed, clutching her blankets against her shivering body. Her mind whirled, frantically trying to put things back in order. Her father wasn't dead. She remembered now. He wasn't dead yet in any case. He would probably be soon now. Thankfully it was a much less terrifying death then what had just been in Amelia's dream. No, Crown Prince Phillionel was dying of illness.

The princess slowly shifted her feet to the floor. It was around three in the morning. No where near any time that she could rightfully get up but there was always her balcony. She pushed open the doors and stepped out into the cool night breeze, her cotton nightgown fluttering around her thighs.

The white roses were dead. She'd never noticed how much she loved them till they were gone. The gardener who had tended the roses had died already. The plague had claimed many lives, it would claim more. Amelia hung her head, she'd done all she could to fortify her kingdom against it. "Justice can not fight an enemy it can not see," she sadly admitted to herself, thinking back on how foolish she'd been to even believe in such a thing as Justice. Justice had retired from the world. It now lived in that Village of Justice with those old people on the Fish Island.

Wet drops splattered against her hands as she leaned against the stone railing, her fingers clutching its cool surface. At first she thought it was her tears, then it started pouring, leaving her soaking wet. "I should go back inside," she said softly to herself. She'd taken to talking to herself now that most of her friends were dead or dying. Friends in the palace anyway. She had no clue what Lina, Gourry, or Zelgadis were up to since going on their separate ways after defeating DarkStar.

Though she said the words, she did not move. Simply letting the rain pour down her body, soaking her until she shivered with the cold. "And where are you now Zelgadis? Where is my knight to save me from this terror? Did I have a knight? Were you even my knight? I wish you had been... I wish you were now."

Finally, she turned, walking back into her room, her head bowed, shoulders sagging, water dripping from her body as she carefully closed the doors to her balcony. "I should sleep," she said softly but simply removed her wet nightgown and dropped it on the floor. The wet cotton gave a splat as it hit and slowly a puddle spread on the cold tile floor of her bedroom. Amelia walked in the darkness of her bedroom, she knew where everything was simply by virtue of having lived in the room for a long time. Nothing changed in her room. It was still frilly pink pillows with dolls set out on shelves. Amelia reached into her wardrobe, grabbing the first thing that came to hand, pulling it on in the dark.

"I feel dark," she observed softly to herself, not knowing why, not feeling like lighting a candle or casting a light spell. She walked over to the door and opened it, stepping out into her antechamber. She walked with bare feet and wet hair to a chair beside the dark fireplace, sitting down in it, listening to the rain splattering on the high windows that let light into the room during the day. These windows faced out onto the courtyard, the same view of which her balcony looked onto. The dead roses, the dried fountain, the dusty cobble stones.

"Where is my knight?" Amelia asked listlessly, letting her head fall back against the chair behind her.

There was a soft thump and the door opened. One of the remaining servants entered, carrying a candelabrum with only two candles lit on it. Another man came in, headed towards Amelia's bedroom door, not noticing the princess was sitting in one of the chairs near the fireplace.

The man knocked on the door softly but urgently. "Princess Amelia," he called.

Amelia didn't move. "What is it, kind sir?" she asked almost by rote, causing both men to jump in fear then come over to the fireplace. Light cast upon Amelia's face, showing her pale wet features. Amelia realized why they hadn't noticed her. She'd accidentally put on the only black dress she owned.

The man hung his head. "I guess you already knew," he said sadly, twisting his hands together, "I know you loved him very much."

Amelia felt a sting in her heart, far away from her, she felt as if she were standing in a dark and lonely place, completely by herself. The sheer coincidence of her dream, her dress, and now the news did not surprise her. She just didn't feel anything anymore. She'd lost so much in her life it wasn't worth crying over anymore. "Everything is ready. We were just waiting for him," Amelia said softly. "Leave me, now." The servant and cleric bowed to her, backing out of the room, closing the door once more. She noticed absently that the servant had left a candle for her.

Slowly, she reached over and placed her hand over the flame, snuffing it with her fingers. She wanted the darkness; it felt comforting. Placing her hand back in her lap, she stared blankly into the shadows, unable to see anything. She was glad. It would only serve as a reminder to her of what she'd lost in one stormy night.


	2. Pale Princess

The palace was hung in unnatural silence as Amelia walked the halls, her black skirts brushing the floor

The palace was hung in unnatural silence as Amelia walked the halls, her black skirts brushing the floor. She'd taken careful attention to her appearance today, she was going to speak to the council. They had to set a date for her coronation. She was the only one left. Her uncle Christopher had died several weeks ago of the same plague, her father just last night. No one knew where Gracia was and it wasn't likely she'd come back, not after having seen her mother murdered and almost been murdered herself. Amelia understood. Gracia probably wanted to forget everything that had happened here.

Amelia caught her reflection in a mirror in the hall. She took a moment to stare at her pale, almost ghostly image. She noted that she did not look good in black, but that was all she felt like wearing. Any other colors were simply too energetic for her. She was tired. Tired in her soul and lonely for someone who wouldn't die. Her hair had grown out over the past few years, it now reached to her lower back, tied in a tight shimmering braid that matched her dress almost to the point of disappearing. Her skirts flared out at her hips, silk underskirts giving it a more full appearance. The bodice of the dress was tight, but not to the point of immodesty and there was no way in heaven that anyone could think such a dress immodest. The collar of the dress reached up to just under Amelia's chin, the sleeves were down to her wrists with black lace on the cuffs. Matching black lace was sewn across the top of her bodice over the black silk, giving it a different texture.

The only color that Amelia wore was a silver necklace with a blood red ruby pendant. The ruby was a simple rectangle set into silver. This pendant was really a locket, the hinge was simply hidden. Inside was an old painting of Amelia's mother and father on one side, another old mini painting of Amelia and her sister in the other side. The chan was just long enough to hang the pendant at the beginning of Amelia's hidden cleavage.

Slowly, she turned from her image in the mirror to start down the hall once more, frightening the few remaining servants into thinking she was a ghost. Her walk was so purposeful yet slow and smooth, making her seem as if she weren't touching the floor at all. Her eyes never strayed from their forward gaze. She looked at nothing, noticed nothing. A few more servants fled the palace that day, headed for the hills, spreading the tale of the Pale Princess.


	3. Life Sucks

The now much thinned council looked upon Amelia

The now much thinned council looked upon Amelia. She stood before them in silence, her body rigid. "Next week, at noon on Wednesday," they agreed and watched as the young woman made her way out.

Amelia returned to her room, looking around in disgust. Finally, she turned and left, calling for a servant and requesting all her dolls be packed away and the sheets on her bed changed from pink to red. She would soon be the ruler of her kingdom, rulers did not have pink bed sheets. She also ordered her dresses be replaced with all black. She would be in mourning possibly for quite some time now.

"Justice has retired from this world," she muttered to herself, going out onto her balcony to look down upon the stagnating fountain and bricks. "Where are you Zelgadis?"

She turned when a servant cleared his throat. "Your Highness, a Lina Inverse is here."

Amelia felt her spirits raise for the first time in a while and turned, making her way out into her antechamber, finding only the redheaded sorceress. Lina turned to gaze upon her friend and bowed her head. "I wish there was something I could have done," Lina said softly.

Amelia shook her head, "He's better now, at least he's no longer suffering. Where are Gourry and Zelgadis?"

Lina shakily took a gulp from a small flask she had tucked inside her cape. "Dead." The princess was silent, expecting embellishment. She waited quite a few moments before Lina continued, coughing a few times. The sorceress was pale, thin, and obviously ill. "Xelloss attacked us. I'd never expected it. Just out of the blue, you know. I countered as best I could. I even got him once with the Ragna Blade.. Then he threw this black ball at us... Zelgadis.... he- he shoved me and Gourry out of the way, taking the blast..."

The red head took a long swig from her flask again, tears streaming down her face. "I'd never thought people could blow up like that..." Lina put a hand to her face, wiping her cheeks. "Gourry was...upset... he ran at Xelloss and... DAMN HIM!" Lina sobbed into her hand, "Xelloss just smashed his head in with that damn staff of his... Gourry never had a chance."

Amelia's heart sank into her stomach. Zelgadis was dead. Her father was dead. Gourry was dead. Her uncle was dead. Lina was now an alcoholic. The princess decided then and there that life sucked. "You're welcome to stay here as long as you like..."

"No... no.. wouldn't want you to have to bury me next. I'm sorry Amelia.. I just had to come and tell you before this damn plague gets me too." Lina coughed and Amelia realized the signs. Lina had caught it.

"Life sucks," Amelia said softly, getting a long look from Lina.

The sorceress nodded, "Yeah, I guess it does when you've lost everything. Good bye, Amelia, I'll see you whenever you join us." Lina turned, staggering out the door like the drunkard she had become.

Amelia bowed her head, tears falling from her eyes. "No wonder you're not here Zelgadis," she said softly. Turning, she went to sit in the chair near the fireplace. "I will never give my heart to so many ever again. I don't want to have to go through this again. Perhaps Zelgadis's way of life was better. If I have feelings for no one, my heart can't be broken. I understand you now, Zelgadis, though too late. Far too late." She leaned forward, putting her face in her skirts and sobbing for what she vowed would be the last time in her life.


	4. Soul Marbles

She stood at the end of the aisle, looking down the long rows of expectant faces gathered in the Chapel of Cephied

She stood at the end of the aisle, looking down the long rows of expectant faces gathered in the Chapel of Cephied. Their eyes wide with anticipation as the crown descended onto the princess's head. Once in place, she looked upon her subjects with eyes close to tears.

"My people...." she started softly, her voice ringing in the silence of the chapel. "My people, my family, for you are all I have left. I will be your Queen and you will be my brothers and sisters, and daughters and fathers and mothers. A family will survive as long as there's trust between us. I trust you to be loyal and follow me through thick and thin. I hope that you too can trust me to be a good leader." Queen Amelia lifted a shaking hand to dab at her tears, so much for her vow. "I trust you to support me in times of need, and I will do my best to be there for you. I would give my life for Seyruun, for all of you, if I had to. Be my family, and I'll be yours."

With that, she flowed down the steps almost like water, her skirts hiding her feet and her head remaining level. The crown set upon her hair glittered in the light as the faces of her people stood in respect, watching as she left, the long white cape dragging the ground behind her. The cape was startling against her somber black dress.

* * *

Amelia stood in her rather empty seeming rooms, staring at the white curtains that were draped around her bed. She was a queen now. "A queen without a king," she stated sadly and sat upon the bed, her black skirts rustling softly. Carefully, she removed her diamond earrings and set them upon the night table beside her bed.

"Maa, maa, Amelia, no dolls? No lace? Are you feeling well?" Xelloss said softly as he appeared nearby.

"Have you come to gloat, Xelloss?" Amelia asked softly, deadpan. She didn't even look at him, instead staring straight forward.

Xelloss came closer, his eyes opening as he looked upon her, "Amelia... you don't seem yourself... What happened?"

The new queen of Seyruun turned her head to look upon the Mazoku. "She died, Xelloss. She was broken into pieces, a peace for every person she ever gave her heart to, and with each death, that piece of her died. Now there is nothing. Only me."

Xelloss carefully sat upon the bed, "I'm sure you've heard by now..."

"Yes, I know. I can only say that I'm not surprised. You're a Mazoku, it was bound to happen someday."

"Lina could have lived longer if she hadn't taken to drinking." Xelloss fingered his staff gently, tapping the blood red orb.

Amelia simply nodded, "Yes, I know that as well. If there was nothing else you wanted to do then torture me, then please leave."

"Ah, but you see, that's not _all_ I had in mind when I came here." Xelloss smirked, running his hands along the bed. "Red.. such a lovely color! Graduated from Pink to Red, have you? White to Black as well."

Amelia turned her face toward him. "What is it that you want, Xelloss, I have other pressing engagements to attend to."

"Ah, yes, the banquet celebrating your coronation, yes." Xelloss tapped his finger against his chin. He stood smoothly then, taking a slow walk around the room, Amelia's eyes on him the whole time. "I've come," he paused, sliding his hand along the empty top of her dresser, "to make a proposition. Not just any proposition, mind you," his opened eyes gazed at her, his smirk hiding behind his cool mask. "Allow me to become one of your advisors... and I'll give you something."

Slowly, Amelia blinked. "A position as one of my advisors in return for what? An absolutely firm pact that no Mazoku will attack Seyruun?"

Xelloss lifted a finger and she had the feeling he was going to tell her it was a secret. "That- I can not give you. But I can give you this," he tossed something to her.

Quickly, Amelia caught the golden ball, it felt so fragile. The queen blinked at it a few times, realizing it was one of those soul balls that Phibbrizo had had back when they fought him. "Yes, Amelia, that is exactly what it is. Do you want to know who it is?" Xelloss asked as he slid around to stand behind her, whispering into her ear. "All you have to do is ask..."

Amelia opened her lips, tears falling from her eyes, making her makeup run. "W-who is it?" she asked brokenly.

Xelloss smirked, his hands resting on Amelia's shoulders, "I can bring him back for you.... I destroyed his body, I can bring it back, easily, Amelia... all you have to do is agree."

"I- I-" Amelia stuttered, her mind whirling too fast. She couldn't make up her mind. She couldn't let a Mazoku have power over some of her decisions, and yet.. and yet...

"Surely you want him back..." he whispered like a snake behind her. "How nice it would be to have him smile at you once more..."

"Xelloss- who is it?!"

The Priest-General narrowed his eyes, "You have to ask."

"TELL ME WHO THIS IS!" Amelia spun around, holding the soul carefully in her cupped hands.

Xelloss smiled, "That- is a secret," he disappeared, leaving her with the soul and her question.


	5. He's Bach

Queen Amelia sat in her throne room hearing petitions she could really care less about but listened to them for her people

Queen Amelia sat in her throne room hearing petitions she could really care less about but listened to them for her people. She was lonely, her head ached from the crown upon her brow, she was hot, uncomfortable, and agitated. Xelloss had not returned to reclaim the soul he'd left her with or ask her decision. She was steadily becoming more curious as to who it was, she hoped it was Zelgadis, but Xelloss wouldn't answer when she'd asked.

Finally, the audiences were over and she returned to her rooms, intending to take a nap. She was so tired, and lonely. Her eyes were cast downward as she stepped into her room, removing the heavy crown on her head and closing the door with her other hand. Turning, she gasped softly at finding Xelloss lying on her bed with his usual smirk, eyes opened.

"Your decision?" he asked, getting straight to the point.

"Only if you return Zelgadis to life will I give you the position," Amelia said firmly, getting pouted at by the Mazoku priest-general. "And you have to return him to life BEFORE I give you the position."

Xelloss pouted further, sitting up and getting off the bed. "Amelia-chan, I never knew you to be so cruel!"

"A lot has happened. Bring Zelgadis back now or you won't get anything from me." Amelia had chosen her words carefully, she wasn't going to let Xelloss bully her into something without getting something she wanted in return. "And as long as Zelgadis and I live, you will be one of my advisors." Xelloss was not happy, his smirk had vanished and he watched her carefully. Amelia refrained from pointing out that she'd known him for long enough to realize that he liked cheating people out of what he promised them in some loophole of the contract. That was how ALL Mazoku were.

"Alright, Amelia-sama, that is fair enough." Xelloss reached over to the drawer of the night table beside her bed where Amelia had placed the soul for safekeeping. Taking it out, he looked at it closely and tossed it into the air. It glowed brightly as it fell. When it hit the floor, Amelia expected it to shatter, but instead it melted into a new shape, becoming the body of a person, a man, laying face down on the floor.

The body solidified, becoming flesh and fine dark violet hair, Amelia was about to protest that the man wasn't Zelgadis when she realized that it was; simply his human form. His electric blue eyes snapped open and he scrambled to his feet, looking around. Amelia blushed brightly, covering her eyes.

"XELLOSS!!" Zelgadis snarled and lunged at the Mazoku- who disappeared and caused Zelgadis to land on the bed. That was when he realized that he was completely nude and flesh. "What... What happened?!" he looked around again, finding Amelia and turned bright red as well, pulling the blanket on the bed over his lap. "Amelia- what are you doing here? What am _I_ doing here?! Where _IS_ here?"

Amelia peeked between her fingers and sighed, going over to her night table and setting down the crown. Turning, she threw her arms around his shoulders and began sobbing into his chest. "Zelgadis-san! It's been so horrible! Daddy died, Lina's dead, Gourry's dead, Uncle Christopher is dead, all my friends here are dead or left! I've had no one for so long!"

"Amelia, slow down, what happened to Lina and Gourry?" Zelgadis asked.

Amelia stopped talking a moment, sniffling and reaching to her night stand to take out a kerchief to wipe her nose and eyes. "Lina came here not long ago and told me that Xelloss had attacked you guys and that he'd killed you and then Gourry got mad and rushed Xelloss only to have his head smashed in and Lina caught the plague and turned into an alcoholic. She's probably dead by now. She came a few days after daddy died."

"Wait a minute! You said _I_ was killed?" Zelgadis blurted. "If that's true, how am I here?"

"Xelloss and I made a deal. You get returned to life and as long as both of us live he gets to be one of my advisors... I'm sorry Zelgadis-san! I- I needed someone and... and... you were the one I thought could help me the most. Most everyone is dead or left but there's some left and I'm the queen now and I can't do this by my self!" Amelia looked at him pleadingly. "Please... please say you'll help me."

Zelgadis looked down a moment then back at her, lifting a shaking hand to touch her face, "Amelia, you- you're my friend..." he said haltingly, "Of course I'll help you... but it doesn't explain why I'm human..."

Amelia bowed her head, pulling the kerchief through her fingers. "I guess human is what your soul was.. Lina.. she said you... your body was destroyed..." She lifted her face when his hand touched her cheek gently.

"I'm going to need some clothes..." he said with a hint of amusement.

Amelia's lips twitched upward somewhat, "I kinda like you this way," a blush raced across her face, as well as his. "I'll get a servant to bring some," she said, getting to her feet and going to the door. "Please be here when I come back," she said, looking at him with watering eyes. Zelgadis looked back at her calmly.

"I'm not going anywhere like this," he replied firmly, blushing still.

* * *

Amelia waited in her antechamber for Zelgadis to finish dressing himself in the clothes she'd ended up having to get herself. She didn't mind doing it, it gave her time to put her thoughts together. The door to her bedchamber opened and Zelgadis stepped out, looking gallant in the courtier clothes, which was the only thing she'd found.

"You look nice," she said.

Zelgadis flushed, "It's a bit tight in places, but it'll do for today." The youth was wearing mid blue leggings tucked into knee high black boots that were folded at the top. His starched white blouse was tucked into his pants, with a shimmering blue vest holding it against his torso, leaving the loose sleeves with ruffles at the wrist free to move. The collar of the shirt had the same ruffles up to the base of his neck. At his waist was a thick black belt, though no sword. She would get him one soon though. Amelia truly thought he looked dashingly handsome.

Slowly, she paced forward, putting her face against his chest. "Amelia, don't start crying now..." he said nervously.

"I'm not," the queen replied, taking a deep breath, feeling his hands on her shoulders. "You can be the head of the guards, the old one died. Is that alright with you?"

Zelgadis nodded, looking down at her hair, he was afraid she could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His knees were almost trembling and he fought himself to keep from passing out. He'd wanted her, but he couldn't have told her when he was a Chimera. Now, he was human and she had already ascended to the throne. There was no way he could marry her. He used to have a title- or his father did, though his parents had been killed and his home burnt to the ground, there wasn't really much chance that the land that had once been his family's was still unused.

Amelia moved away from him finally, taking a deep breath and turning slightly. "I'll write up the document now..." she said, moving into her study. Zelgadis took a deep breath and followed after her, his chest tightened in remorse for her loss. She was still wearing black, a rather simple style dress, all black, her dark violet hair in a long braid down her back. "I'll have to give you a title-"

"I have one... or did..." Zelgadis interrupted. Amelia gave him a long startled look. "My father had been given some land by his father...Rezo." Amelia waited for him to continue, moving to sit at her desk in her study, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. "My...parents are dead... so I suppose the title is mine now, if my land hasn't been overrun. It's been nine years since the house burnt down..."

Amelia frowned slightly, opening a drawer full of files that had been moved to her desk after her father's death. Flipping through the files, she found it.

****

Graywords; Leon Graywords (Rebecca, and Zelgadis) of Graywords Estate: 'Graywords Estate' four hundred and thirty-five acres, given to Leon Graywords by Rezo Graywords.

Other family members: Rezo Graywords, Kerith Graywords.

Amelia set the paper on her desk and carefully penned out the notice.

****

Lord Zelgadis Graywords of Graywords Estate is hereby appointed to the position of Captain of Guard.

Queen Amelia Wil Tessa Seyruun

Taking out another piece of paper, she sighed regretfully.

****

Lord Xelloss Mettallum of 

Amelia paused, thinking a moment. She had to give Xelloss land and a title to be able to appoint him as an advisor, to do that, she had to have land free. "I think all of the Kibbis family has died, I'll have to have someone check on that before I title it to Xelloss though."

Zelgadis looked back at her for a long moment, "You're really going to make him an advisor?"

"A deal is a deal. If I don't... he might kill you again and I wouldn't be able to handle that, Zelgadis." Silence fell between them.

"I suppose you have a point..." he said softly, looking away, arms folded on his chest.

Amelia cleared her throat, "For now, though, I can post this," she replaced the file on Zelgadis's estate and placed the paper in a tray for taking to the council session that was thankfully later in the day. She searched through the files to find the one on Kibbis.

****

Kibbis; Jereth Kibbis (Lola, Beketh, and Annabel) of Kibbis Manor: 'Kibbis Manor' two hundred twenty-two acres, owned by Kibbis family 100 years.

Other family members: Kris and Annabel Dakath

Amelia nodded, "They're all dead. Annabel was a very nice girl though," she reminisced, finishing the notice of Xelloss's new title and advisor position, placing it in the tray with Zelgadis's. Pulling out more papers, she wrote out several more notices of position changes within her palace. The council meeting would be her first since ascension to the throne and she needed things sorted out within the ranks.

Zelgadis paced over to the window, arms folded on his chest, looking down at the ground below. He glanced toward the new queen, his queen, the one he'd secretly loved for four years of his life. Her bangs still fell forward into her face, giving her a somewhat childish appearance, even if it was countered by her black ensemble. She had gotten taller as well, now up to his chin instead of his chest. He simply hoped that she didn't outgrow him. How embarrassing that would be. Lifting a hand, he touched his face just under his eye and smiled quietly.

__

Here I am, father, like I said I'd do. I became strong, I got power, I survived and I'm going to keep on living. It may have taken me nine years since that night I swore it, but here I am, after four years of killing Mazoku lords and underlings as well as two Overworld demon-beasts and a piece of the dark lord himself. Here I am. With the one I love.

"Amelia..." he said softly, not looking at her. Zelgadis heard her pen pause. "I... do you think it would be alright to put grave markers for my parents and Rezo?" he wasn't sure where that request had come from, but he supposed it was long past time he laid them to rest.

Amelia was silent a moment, "Yes, it's alright, Zel," she said softly then returned to her writing. Zelgadis glanced back at her with a soft smile. "If you want, we can put them on your estate," she continued, speaking and writing at the same time.

"That would be even better," Zelgadis replied, looking back out the window. There was a knock on the door, "I'll get it," he said, walking over to the door and opening it to find a servant who bowed deeply, having expected to find the queen instead of the man. "Yes?" Zelgadis asked curtly, his habit of being short tempered to strangers returning.

The middle-aged manservant straightened and started, "I was to deliver the message that it is time for the council meeting," he stammered.

Zelgadis nodded, "I'll tell her." With that, he closed the door in the servant's face and turned to find Amelia gathering up her papers. "I'll carry those for you," he said, taking them from her, his hands brushing hers a brief moment, their eyes locked.

"Thank you," Amelia whispered, her voice having fled. She let him take the white folder from her and trail after her as she went to get her crown from her night table in her room.

* * *

"To the position of Captain of Guard and first advisor, I appoint Zelgadis Graywords of Graywords Estate. I grant Xelloss Mettallum Kibbis Manor and appoint him as second advisor. I appoint Heroti Rei of Twilen Estate as third advisor and head of agriculture...." Amelia announced, continuing onward, Zelgadis standing a step behind her, his eyes dancing around the room carefully, his hand wanting to rest on his sword hilt, but kept finding it absent. The council consisted of at least twenty-three men and women, some sick, others thin and suffering from lack of food. It was obvious that the nobles were feeling the plague just as much as the peasants.

Amelia finally got to the end of her list, handing the papers back to him to be given to a servant who nervously stepped up and took them for filing. The meeting turned to other topics, such as the rioting of peasants in places.

The queen faltered, unable to think of any solution. Zelgadis stepped forward slightly and murmured into her ear. Her eyes brightened and she gave him a smile, "Send soldiers to the estates in question with some food supplies as well as seeds for new crops. Gather the supplies needed from estates with no current leader, bring the people from those estates together to work a single area instead of being scattered, it will give them a better chance of farming enough food to feed them all."

The remaining council members murmured to each other over this solution and it was agreed to within moments. Finally, the meeting was over and Amelia walked down the hall, happy for the first time in a while. "That was such a good idea you had, Zelgadis-san," she said to him and heard a faint chuckle in return. "I'm _sure_ everything will turn out alright as long as I have you to help me!"

He watched her fondly, glad to see the return of her old self, if even for a short while. The happy Amelia was the one he'd fallen in love with simply because despite what had happened to her, she was still able to function and spread love and Justice. "I suppose I'll have to take a look at my troops and figure out which ones to send."

Amelia nodded, "Yeah... You'll have dinner with me, right?" she looked at him over her shoulder and saw his smile.

"Of course," Zelgadis replied, adding a single word on the end which she missed hearing, "omaesan." (Omaesan is the Japanese word meaning 'you' or 'my dear')

* * *

Zelgadis's first thoughts were on getting a new sword, hence the reason he headed straight to the armory with the guidance of a servant after parting ways with Amelia at her room. He swung one blade expertly and sighed, there wasn't one that felt the same as his sword, which he'd privately named 'Amelia'.

He went still, turning around slowly to face Xelloss and glowered. "What are you doing bothering me, Fruitcake?"

Xelloss smirked, "I was JUST going to be nice and give you a present!" he said, holding Zelgadis's sword and sheath in one hand.

The youth narrowed his eyes, "And what exactly do you want in return?"

"Why do you assume I want anything, Zelly-kun?!" Xelloss pouted.

"Because you're a Mazoku, and don't call me 'Zelly-kun'." He reached out and snatched his sword from the demon and tied it to his belt. "Remember, as long as you want a pathway to the throne, you'll have to keep both me and Amelia alive or you lose the position." Zelgadis smirked as Xelloss opened his eyes to glower. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work that needs to be done." With that, the new Captain of the Guard swept out past Xelloss and into the hall.

Zelgadis was glad to note that Xelloss did not follow him, nor pop into the air just in front of him. He stepped into his new office and glowered, disgusted by the mess he found. Apparently, the last captain hadn't been the most tidy of people and had forced the servants to not touch his things. Zelgadis picked through some papers on the desk then went to a filing cabinet, looking through that. "Oh screw this... I'm just going to go hunt them all down one at a time. It would save more time then looking through this mess." He stepped out of his office and caught the sleeve of the servant who'd shown him the way there, "Get someone to clean up the crumbs at least, don't bother with the papers." He stalked down the hall caught hold of the first guard he found wandering around.

After a bit of talking with the young man, he gave the man orders to tell the rest of the guards who hadn't talked to him by the end of the day to come to his office tomorrow when they were off duty. The youth agreed and went on his way, as did Zelgadis, quickly finding up a few more guards and talked to them as well.


	6. Thought I'd forgotten this one, didn't y...

Zelgadis had a pleasant meal with Amelia, that evening. He told her about the more adventurous and amusing battles he'd been in with Lina and Gourry, speaking as if they were alive still, as if he'd left the group once more and they'd gone on. It kept Amelia in somewhat good spirits for most of the meal. Finally, she was yawning and unable to keep herself awake, so he left her, making his way along the halls, stalking through the dark and watching over things.  
  
A flitting shadow caught his eye and he moved onward, walking as if he hadn't seen the one approaching him. The air whistled as Zelgadis spun around, his blade stopping just before it punctured the throat of his stalker. Zelgadis's eyes flicked over the figure who stood taller then the new captain and wore the uniform of a guard. His eyes trailed further up and only the strict training of his expressions kept him from showing his surprise.  
  
"You're supposed to be dead," Zelgadis murmured as he lowered his blade, not sheathing it, however.  
  
"So are you," the man replied then suddenly staggered forward, wrapping his arms around the shorter man's shoulders. "It's been a while..."  
  
Zelgadis's heart jumped into his throat and almost stopped when he was suddenly hugged. Blood rushed to his face. "D-dad... let go of me..." The man stepped back, his hands still on Zelgadis's shoulders. Tears glimmered in the man's icy blue eyes as he looked down the half a head's height that separated himself from his son. "What are you doing here anyway?" Zelgadis forced himself to remain calm and sheathed his sword easily.  
  
His father shook his head, "I've been here for the last seven years... practically since I left you with Rezo." He looked into his son's cold eyes and dropped his hands from the young man's shoulders, bowing his head. "I...you look so much like your mother, I loved her so much.. I couldn't... I'm sorry."  
  
"It's fine," Zelgadis said curtly, half turning and looking down the hall he'd been headed down moments before. "What rank are you?" His father replied was a rather high rank and the young man nodded. "You'll do," he muttered and fully turned, stalking down the hall, continuing on his way. He paused, turning, "Tomorrow, lunchtime, come to my office, I assume you know where it is."  
  
* * *  
  
Zelgadis sat at his desk, now devoid of crumbs and bugs, sorting through the various papers on the desk, doing his best to ignore his father who was perched on an uncomfortable chair in front of the desk. He picked up a paper, read over the scribbled writing on it and growled crumpling it up with one hand and throwing it at the already overflowing garbage can. A knock on the door interrupted his concentration. "Come in," he barked, causing his father to jump slightly.  
  
"Zelgadis-san," Amelia said softly as she pushed the door open and looking in. "Oh- you're busy, I'm sorry-"  
  
"No, come in," Zelgadis replied, amending his tone and forcing a slight smile to the dark haired queen. He shoved the papers over on his desk, making a cleared space for her to set the tray she'd brought.  
  
"I brought some coffee too," she said brightly. Leon Graywords got to his feet, bowing to the queen while Zelgadis neglected the formalities and simply swiped another chair from the corner of the room for Amelia to sit in. "So what have you been doing?" Amelia asked as she sat, smiling slightly, "You forgot lunch..."  
  
Zelgadis turned bright red and bowed, "I'm sorry, Amelia, I was sorting through this mess, time got away." She laughed.  
  
"It's alright, Zelgadis," she neglected to add the honorific, causing the young man as well as the other man in the room to look at her.  
  
"I'll come back when-" Leon started to say but Amelia looked at him and froze.  
  
"Zelgadis-san, who is this?" she asked softly as Zelgadis was about to take a sip of coffee.  
  
He closed his eyes and kept the mug where it was a moment, inhaling the sent. "Amelia, that is Leon Graywords, Head of Unit Two, palace guards."  
  
Amelia turned her eyes back and forth from Zelgadis to his father then focused on the young man, "You said he was dead."  
  
"I thought he was," Zelgadis replied, silently thinking 'I'd hoped he was'.  
  
"Well, this is great! Now you both can go to Graywords Estate and put the marker for Rezo!" Amelia beamed and caused Zelgadis to almost choke on the sip of coffee he'd taken. Leon gaped.  
  
Leon slowly sat down, staring at Amelia and his son. "Marker for Rezo? Rezo's dead? When?"  
  
The young man swallowed slowly and dabbed at his lips with a napkin before answering, "Around four years ago. Rezo summoned Shabranigdu in an attempt to cure his eyes and didn't expect for the Dark Lord to be reborn in his body. Then Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, and I fought Shabranigdu and killed that piece of him." He sprawled back in his chair, acting as if defeating the Dark Lord had been nothing more then an exercise.  
  
Amelia gushed, "Then I joined with Lina and Gourry after Zelgadis-san left them at Atlas City then we got chased all the way to Siraag where we faced Eris and her copy of Rezo then Zelgadis-san came crashing through a window! He made such a cool entrance!" Leon gazed at his son for a long moment. "Then we met with Sylphiel and broke into Rezo's secret laboratory using the Sword of Light and met a chicken-"  
  
"A lesser demon Rezo had enslaved then sealed most of the demon's powers, forcing it to take a shape somewhat like a giant chicken," Zelgadis interrupted matter-of-factly.  
  
Amelia wasn't deterred, she hurried onward, "Then Kopii Rezo wanted Lina to cast the Giga Slave on him so he could surpass his original..." In the end, Amelia told most of the story with occasional comments by Zelgadis. Then Amelia told Leon about fighting Halseforn, then fighting Mazenda and Conzal, after that, she told Zelgadis's father about their fight against Gaav and Hellmaster, then how Lina hosted the Lord of Nightmares for a short time and Gourry went to save her. Zelgadis was silent for most of this simply because he didn't want to remind Amelia that Lina and Gourry were dead.  
  
The young queen finished with her account of how they for filled a prophecy and destroyed DarkStar with the Weapons of Light. Zelgadis smiled slightly, seeing her eyes bright, watching her expansive gestures and hearing her rush of words. "Wasn't it all fun, Zelgadis-san?" she turned and asked him suddenly.  
  
He smiled at her, "Yes," he admitted, Leon giving his son a long strange look.  
  
Amelia sighed sadly, "I have duties, though, it was nice talking to you, Graywords-sama," Amelia said as she stood, the man she'd addressed bowing in return as she left.  
  
Zelgadis stared at the door a few moments after she left then realized Leon was looking at him. "You love her don't you?" Leon asked softly.  
  
"Even if I did there's no way the council would let me marry her so there's no use fostering such idiotic ideas," Zelgadis said stiffly, gulping the last of his coffee and setting the cup on the tray with the empty coffee pitcher. He realized that no one else had even had any off the coffee, he'd drank it all.  
  
Leon chuckled softly, "You may look like your mother... but you're just like me."  
  
"I'll be sending you with Unit Four to the Atlas region to quell the riots there," Zelgadis changed the subject briskly, pretending to nave not heard his father's comment. "Half of Unit Six will be going as well, meeting up with its commander in the Atlas region when the other half arrives bringing the people from Kiros and Pel. That's all, you're dismissed."  
  
"You shouldn't deny it, Zelgadis..." Leon murmured, standing, then he saluted and left, not seeing his son's glower.  
  
* * *  
  
Zelgadis was once again stalking the halls late at night, though now he was wearing some better fitting clothes. They were all black. He wasn't mourning, at least that's what he'd told Amelia. Inwardly, he was grieving. For Gourry and Lina. They'd been his best friends, his comrades. He'd been through a lot with them and they'd accepted him and his moods for years. He'd watched Lina grow up and mature, he'd seen Gourry's sword abilities get better, as if they weren't good already. They were dead now, and he missed them. At least he had Amelia still.  
  
He realized that he was standing in front of the doors to Amelia's rooms. Lifting a hand, he brushed his fingers along the wood. Sighing, he murmured, "Good night, Amelia," with that, he continued onward.  
  
* * *  
  
Zelgadis pulled Amelia closer to his body, sliding his hands along her back, his lips meeting hers. "Amelia," he moaned softly after the kiss and shuddered as she slid her hands along his flesh, his sweat making him slick.  
  
"Tell me, Zelgadis," she murmured, "Tell me that you love me."  
  
"Don't you know?" he replied, "Can't you see it?"  
  
"I want to hear you say it," she looked up at him with her bright blue eyes, her hair was short, curled at her chin.  
  
"Amelia..." he put his face in the sweet curve of her neck and shoulder. "I love you-"  
  
Zelgadis jerked awake suddenly, aware that someone was in his room, on his bed. He couldn't see, there was a bright light just behind the figure crouched over him on the bed. A soft chuckle informed him who it was. "Xelloss," Zelgadis growled.  
  
"Maa, maa, Zelgadis! Having dirty dreams I see!" Zelgadis's face flushed brightly and he pulled the blankets over his hips firmly. His eyes fought to adjust to the light in the room.  
  
"What do you want, you damn Mazoku?" Zelgadis snapped, irritated at being woken up from a dream like that. He seldom had good dreams anymore.  
  
Xelloss flopped down on the bed next to the young man, smiling up at the canopy of the bed. "Ah, Zelgadis, now THAT- is a secret."  
  
"If that's the case, then get out of my bed before I kill you."  
  
Xelloss turned his head on the pillow to look at Zelgadis and opened one eye, "Was it just my imagination, or were you saying Amelia's name in your sleep?" The Mazoku was rewarded with a deep blush then boiling rage. Zelgadis leapt out of the bed and swept up his sword, turning back toward the bed, finding the Mazoku gone.  
  
* * *  
  
Zelgadis was standing in the practice yard of the palace, a lone figure in the center of the packed dirt rectangle. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt with loose black pants tucked into shin high black boots and tied with white strips of cloth. His forearms were wrapped with the same white cloth to keep sweat from running down his arms and weakening his grip. He stood with his eyes closed, letting the sun beat down on his pale shoulders and dark hair. His breathing was smooth, as he stood there, silent. This was something he had to do... To fight the demons that had plagued his memories. Strength. To be stronger than his father, to prove the man WRONG once and for all.  
  
His eyes snapped open. Leon stood facing him, his hair cropped short, wearing the green palace uniform. Not a word was exchanged between them as they drew their blades in clean movements. Touching their blades together, they bowed their heads a moment in respect to each other then stepped back into fighting stances.  
  
Leon watched his son carefully. He could tell that Zelgadis would be quick, his body was light and wiry, he didn't have the bulk or bone structure to come head on in attacks.  
  
The young man suddenly moved, slinging his blade out. Leon barely had the time to block and was forced back by the unexpected strength of his son's attack. Zelgadis pressed his advantage, coming close to scoring on his father with every move. "You've certainly- gotten- skilled," Leon panted, realizing that his son wasn't even breaking a sweat.  
  
"I worked with the best." Leon could tell that Zelgadis was not speaking of his father. Leon had forbade Zelgadis to ever pick up a sword. They'd never sparred before. He backed up as his son's strikes became faster, blurring into a flash of pale cream, white and glittering metal. Leon tripped as he stepped back, landing on his rear and looking up at Zelgadis over the tip of the young man's blade. "It would be best if you stayed out of my way. We may be related, but that is all the respect you will have from me until you prove me otherwise."  
  
"Just like me..." Leon murmured, shaking his head, "Why couldn't you have been more like your mother?" he sighed, getting to his feet and sheathing his blade. He gave a bow to his son before turning and leaving, dirt marring the seat of his pants.  
  
Zelgadis watched his father's back for a moment then lifted his blade, looking at its mirror like surface, seeing his face reflected. "I suppose my demon third is still with me, despite my appearances. That will be useful." He turned then, sheathing his blade and heading back into the palace to attend the luncheon he promised Amelia that he would.  
  
* * *  
  
Zelgadis was almost bored to death, listening to one old man drone on about his beloved wife and never get to any point in his story. Amelia was nodding and seemed thoroughly interested in the old man's babble. Finally, the luncheon was over and Zelgadis escorted Amelia back to her rooms for a nap before the council session that would be later that afternoon.  
  
"Being so deeply in love with someone must be wonderful," she said suddenly, startling Zelgadis.  
  
"Oh... is THAT what he was talking about." He shrugged, inwardly cringing from the dirty look she shot him. He recalled his dream from the night before and blushed, turning his face away from her before she could see it. Xelloss said that I'd been saying Amelia's name in my sleep... he recalled and frowned slightly. If only she weren't the queen. Damn it all. Why do I always pick the unavailable ones?! Or if they're available, they're guys in drag. He glowered.  
  
"What're you thinking about?" Amelia asked softly, startling him again.  
  
"You," he replied, startling himself with the tone that crept into his voice. Zelgadis looked down at Amelia who was smiling up at him with bright eyes. His heart ached, those eyes were so beautiful when she was happy. He found that they'd stopped walking at some point during the exchange and were now facing each other. She slid closer, coming within a breath's distance. His hand trembled as he put it on her shoulder, "Amelia... I can't..." he said softly, looking away before he could see the pain that caused.  
  
"ZELGADIS!!" she snarled, pulling back from him suddenly, "What's wrong THIS time?! Before it was because you were a Chimera, now what's your excuse?! We both know our hearts and yet you keep pushing me away!" She stood trembling, clenching her fists in her skirts.  
  
He hung his head, fingering the hilt of his sword in a nervous habit. "Amelia... I just don't think I could... be the leader Seyruun needs. You.. you need someone who's strong enough and has the people's trust. No one could trust me like that-"  
  
"_I_ trust you." Amelia came closer once more, catching his hands and looking into his eyes when he lifted his head somewhat. "Zelgadis Graywords, I love you. I want to be with you. You don't have to be the king, just my consort if that's all you want, but be with me..." He watched as tears fell from her face.  
  
Slowly, Zelgadis lifted a hand from between hers and brushed her tears away, "Don't cry..." he said softly.  
  
She moved closer, putting her head on his chest, "We can find a way. Please don't leave me alone. I... I hate being alone." Zelgadis slowly moved his arms around her, putting his lips against the top of her head. He could feel Amelia trembling as he held her and wanted deeply to sooth her fears and make her happy once more. "Zelgadis... you are strong," she said softly into his chest.  
  
"You're probably tired..." he changed the subject though his arms refused to obey his command to let her go, she clung to him, her arms wrapped around his waist.  
  
"Don't leave me alone," she whispered.  
  
Zelgadis swallowed, "I won't," he found himself promising, warmth spreading though his chest as he allowed himself the feelings he'd repressed for so long.  
  
* * * 


End file.
